thirteen
by writtenby
Summary: Killua's leaving again, and Gon hasn't changed. —killugon


**disclaimer:** i don't own hxh  
 **dedication:** none  
 **title:** thirteen  
 **summary:** killua is leaving again, and gon hasn't changed.  
 **notes:** my other fanfic...i read the last chapter over and there seems to be nothing worth saving. i remember part of the plot, not all. so here we go, oneshot time :) on a happier note i'm mostly finished with my novel. gon's shorts are disgusting too, by the way. .. .

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Gon feels thirteen again, with the sour taste of something on his tongue and a sort of bitterness resting right behind his eyes. Back then he'd been attacked by growing up, and he doesn't feel any different now.

"...are you leaving?"

"Yeah."

He feels thirteen again in the way that he still doesn't understand. He thought a couple years would have been enough to convince him to stay, but it's not. Looking into Killua's electric blue eyes, Gon wonders if it's worth trying to find something there, and if he'll like the things he finds.

"You don't like it here?" The _with me_ appears to be obvious. Gon gestures around at the campfire and the trees. It's still early morning so the fogs mists over the mountains in the distance, but still, Gon likes to think that it's beautiful: the scenery, the trees, Killua. "It's a nice place."

Killua sighs like he's too old for Gon now, too old for child-teens with weird green shorts and fishing rods. "I like it here but there's been a significant lack of chocolate-trees ever since we left the last town." His attempt at a joke makes Gon laugh even though he probably shouldn't have. All he can focus on is the ivory of Killua's skin, the paper-white of his hair, and the way his eyes and lips stand out so starkly.

He doesn't want to tell Killua how lonely he was before they met, how he was looking for a father but ended up with something better, maybe, and now that he's leaving, Gon will be lonely, extremely and terribly lonely again. Killua is awfully horrible at the whole people thing, anyways.

"I - you," Killua shifts uncomfortably. "I know it's bad but I have to leave soon, but Gon, I've never seen you sad, so - anyways, what I'm saying is that you'll be fine..." He ends his sentence like a question. It's hanging there. Gon _knows_ that he'll be fine, of course, but he'd rather be great. He'd rather feel amazing with Killua by his side than fine without. "Besides," Killua lets out a surprisingly funny strangled noise, "my _brother_...it's something I have to do by myself."

Gon knows himself and he knows he's given up when the next words out of his mouth are, "If you're ever in trouble..."

Killua's eyes roll almost without prompt. "I'll shout 'GON!' into the air and you'll appear without any delay to save my life."

"Yes," Gon agrees.

"Same if you meet Hisoka okay?"

"I can handle him," Gon whines. "I got him on the face last time. It was nice."

"I know you can handle him, fighting wise...but scream if his hands go anywhere near your ass, you hear me?"

"O-Okay?" Again, there's something Gon just isn't getting. Thirteen. Thirteen and the majority of those years living on a small island with only his aunt and animals.

"Yeah, well, see you, Gon. You're my best friend." Killua picks up his pack and heaves it onto his shoulder, making it look heavy. But Gon knows it's anything but heavy for Killua, seeing as he fought with weighted yoyos.

"Mm. See you, Killua." And Gon hopes he does. See Killua again, that is.

Gon hopes that Killua won't disappear into the distance and never return, leaving him only crumbs of a trail to follow, just like his father. But Killua isn't anything like Ging. And Gon refuses to leave Killua as a half-solved case. As he watches the shock of white hair disappear into the fog, he knows that the next time they meet, Gon will still feel thirteen, unprepared, awkward, but undoubtedly happy.

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Omake:

"The next time I see you," Killua says. "You better have gotten longer shorts. And not green. I know you like to blend in with the forest but those are so frightening that I think anyone could see you from a mile away."

"What?"

"They're 90% of the reason Hisoka keeps coming after you. They're also disgustingly out of fashion. And ugly, but I've said that."

"I like them. Aunt Mito made them for me."

Killua sighs. A deep, very disgruntled sigh. "Up to you, my innocent friend."

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 _written_by_


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